Steps for putting on a crib mattress cover

1. Take everything out of the crib
2. Place cover on mattress
3. Stand on tip-toes to get stomach over edge of crib
4. Lean over and tuck back left corner on mattress
5. Tuck front left corner on mattress
6. Move to right side
7. Stand on tip-toes to get stomach over edge of crib
8. Gently pull on cover and wonder, how is this thing going to fit
9. Tuck back right corner of cover on mattress
10. Step back and see that left back cover has come off
11. Move back over to left side
12. Stand on tip-toes to get stomach over edge of crib
13. Notice that you have the cover inside out
14. Turn cover right side out
15. Again, stand on tip-toes to get stomach over edge of crib
16. Tuck back left corner of cover on mattress
17. Break out in a sweat
18. With right hand, hold the back left corner of cover/mattress
19. With left hand pull and tuck left front corner on mattress
20. Place left hand on back left corner and try to move over and reach right back corner
21. Hold back left cover/mattress while pulling with right hand trying to tuck in back right corner
22. Success! Stand back
23. Watch mattress cover spring off mattress
24. Curse at cover
25. Try to pick up mattress to see if you can put the cover on it with it out of the crib
26. Decide the cover would probably fall off while putting the mattress back in the crib
27. Consider calling husband to help
28. Decide to try again
29. Stand on tip-toes to get stomach over edge of crib
30. Tuck back right corner of cover on mattress
31. Hold corner with right hand
32. Slowly move hand toward left side while holding on mattress cover
33. With left hand tuck back left corner of cover on mattress
34. Hold back left corner with right hand
35. Tuck front left corner of cover on mattress
36. Wonder how in the world this is going to stay on
37. Consider getting some tape
38. Hold cover in place with left hand and move toward right side
39. Realize that there is no way this cover is going to fit
40. Curse at cover again
41. Throw cover at mattress and storm out of room


F*ck it…it doesn’t need a damn mattress anyway!